Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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