i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
