You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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