You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize