dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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