I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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