How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
