i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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