yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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