I wish I could punch you in the face.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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