At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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