Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
