Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
