he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
