i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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