: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
