you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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