My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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