No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
