Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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