the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
