its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
