Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
