He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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