I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
