I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
