he shaved USA in his pubs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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