You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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