you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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