Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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