we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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