Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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