Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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