I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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