Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
