either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your cock deserves a montage
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
