Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
