Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
