How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My balls are so social today.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
