I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
