Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
