We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
