if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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