so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
