i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize