My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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