Someone shit on the floor
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
