saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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