why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
