BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
