when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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