Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
