totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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