two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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