the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is classic penis vs brain.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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