she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
