after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
